Are We Ever Going To Be A Family?
by alisliars
Summary: They want nothing more than to be a happy family, but will they ever get there?


_"Gabby, talk to me, please." Matt begged while he watched his beloved fianceé storm away from him and into their living room. "Stop running from this, you have every right to feel any emotion you want to feel. But please, don't bottle this up. It isn't healthy."_

 _"I don't want to have this conversation Matt, not now, not ever! Why can't you understand that?" Gabby's voice boomed back shocking Matt in the process. As she turned to face him Matt could see the pain in her eyes which held unshed tears. It had been 4 months since they lost their baby and Gabby managed to shut Matt down everytime it was brought up in conversation. She never liked to show any emotion which lead anybody to believe she was vulnerable, because she wasn't and did not like to be pitied. He knew that, but he also knew that whatever she felt needed to be expressed before one day she took it out on the wrong person at the wrong time._

 _"It has been four months baby I-" Matt started but was soon cut off by Gabby._

 _"Don't you think I know that?" She threw her hands up at either side of her before walking off again in the direction of the kitchen._

 _"I'm not saying that Gabby but I don't want us to fight every time that its a topic of conversation." He followed her and stood at the opposite end of the breakfast island while she had her back to him focused on washing some dirty cups and plates which had been placed in the sink. He knew more than anyone that Gabby was stubborn, but he just wanted what was best for her and that was to let her emotions out which she had bottled up since they left the hospital that day._

 _"Maybe you should stop bringing it up and then we wouldn't have to fight about it." The anger rolled off of her words._

 _"I just want you to be content and able to move on from such a heartbreaking and significant time in our lives and you can't do such a thing if you've not dealt with it in the right way." This stirred something deep within Gabby, if she wasn't pissed before she sure was now. She spun around and stared at Matt, her face would have read blank to any stranger that didn't know her but to her fiancé, who knew her better than anyone, he seen the fear, the heartbreak and the anger in her._

 _"Dealt with it in the right way? Are you kidding me right now? What is the right way to deal with loosing a child Matt? Tell me please, I'd love to hear your suggestions for dealing with this." Gabby lashed out, her words fuelled with sarcasm and anger. "You have never ever shown any type of emotion over this and now because it was my body which failed I've to show endless amounts of emotion. That is nothing but unfair and I know that you know that." As a tear fell from each of her eyes she quickly wiped them hoping it was before Matt had noticed them but he already had._

 _Gabby sighed in defeat, "I told you I didn't want to ever have this conversation because I still feel the pain I felt that night every single day since then." Quickly turning away so her back was to him, once again she brought her hands to face to muffle the noise of her sob. Her shoulders shook while soft sobs took over her body, the sight of his fianceé crying always made him hurt but knowing he caused this outbreak hurt him even more. He made his way to her before placing his hands on her shoulders and turning her into his arms. Her head hadn't even made contact with him before she placed her hands on his chest pushing him away from her, not a harsh or violent push but one forceful enough to make him far enough out of arms reach. "I do not need your pity as well Matt."_

 _"Baby, I just want to help you through this." He looked at Gabby while she avoided his gaze like the plague, knowing herself she would crack more looking into his blue loving eyes which she loved so much._

 _"It looks like you've already got through this, so tell me, how did you manage your emotions? How did you keep yourself in check while you watched everyone around you give you sad and pitiful looks?" Matt knew exactly what she was doing. She never often did this but when she did, it was pent up emotions all bundled into a messy pile which was hard for Gabby to express. She would either fly off the handle using anger as a defence mechanism or cry for hours with no words expressing how she felt. Gabby thought she was protecting herself while she threw digs at Matt but it was only adding to her growing emotions from the loss of their unborn child. "Do you even know how it feels to be speechless around the ones you call family?" Her voice was extremely low and shaky. "Do you know what it feels like to have your body fail you? Let me spare you an answer to that Matt, because you don't, you don't know."_

 _"Gabby, I don't know how you feel because you never tell or show me. The only time was in the hospital and granted, we were both a mess then." And that's when she broke even more, he could see her disintegrating before his eyes but she wouldn't let him near her because she never wanted him to see her upset._

 _"You see what happens when this is brought up yet you can't resist speaking of it! What do you want me to say at this point? That I was nothing but devastated to learn I had lost our child? That it was my fault. Maybe if I had toughened up I could have told you before running into a burning building while carrying our baby. Maybe if I wasn't so selfish in my actions I would still be pregnant. Or that every single time I look at my fiancé my heart breaks knowing that I couldn't give him the child he has always wanted?" Matt stood in complete shock wondering how he let his fianceé deal with this on her own, yes she didn't like to be handled but he still blamed himself for this outbreak of emotions._

 _In her eyes she was independent and didn't need anybody but herself to pick her up when she fell, but maybe this time was different. Hell, this had never happened before of course it was going to be different. "Baby, I love you, okay? And I'm not going anywhere, so just let me in." Gabby, still looking away from Matt's gaze, sobbed as she dropped her head in embarrassment._

 _"But it hurts Matt, and I don't want you seeing me like this." She confessed through her rising sobs. She lifted her head finally meeting his gaze. Her gorgeous big brown eyes glistened with tears and as she blinked, the tears fell down her soft cheeks._

 _Matt knew that any second now she would either walk away and brush this whole thing under the rug or she would let him in. Thankfully, after months of unsaid words and unshed tears she went with the latter, and let him in. He took her shaking body into his arms as she crashed into his chest letting her sobs freely rip through her body as he held her tight letting her know he was there every step of the way._

 _"I know you do not want to hear anything right now and I don't want to start an argument but it was not your fault. And I do not blame you and neither should you. Okay, I need you to know that, because it is the truth." Gabby's reply to Matt's truth telling was a slight nod followed by hard sobs ricocheting from her small frame._

 _..._

Silence. Their apartment was silent. No laughing, no talking, no cartoons playing, no nothing, it was like nobody was there but that wasn't true. Gabby lay awake while Matt was dead asleep beside her. She was glad he was sleeping because he always stayed awake with her on her most recent sleepless nights, but tonight was different. She never thought she could feel so empty and incomplete again. Yes, _again_. Louie was their child and to have had him be present with them and being considered as a family warmed both Matt and Gabby up to the idea of them officially being parents. It was dream-like to them, after the struggle of grieving their first child they had lost, they were nothing but grateful to have another chance of being a family. That was until it all came crashing down, _again_. Loss was all to familiar to the couple. But nothing hurt more than losing a child, they had been through it before and of course the second time was not going to hurt any less.

Gabby had quietly gotten up from the bed leaving Matt there peacefully sleeping. He was just as heartbroken as she was, but this wasn't a competition in who was more devastated, it was just another hurdle the now married couple had to work together to overcome. Gabby walked through their apartment taking a mental note of no toy cars lying in random places over the living room, no stuffed animals placed on the sofa, no sippy cup on the kitchen table, no traces of their foster son who was meant to become their adopted child if things went to plan, but for the Caseys' did anything ever go to plan?

There were no traces of the young boy until Gabby opened the door to his room which Matt had mostly cleared out while Gabby was out with Brett knowing how upsetting for her it would be to sort through the games that were once played after meals and books that were read before bedtime.

The sight of emptiness engulfed her as she stepped into the dark room quietly closing the door behind her. Not needing to put a light on as the street lights lit the room up enough due to the curtains not being fully closed. Gabby hesitantly walked over to the small bed picking up a stuffed teddy bear that was lying on the floor, pulling it close her chest while she sat on the small bed. The room was mostly empty except from a few boxes and stuffed animals randomly placed on the floor. Fresh tears sprung to her eyes as she sat there thinking about all the memories this room held.

The couple had thought of Louie as their second chance of being parents as they had lost their first child. They were over the moon to be parents, they never took a moment for granted, they knew parenthood had its hurdles and struggles but the couple worked through them all and came out stronger on the other side. Unfortunately it didn't end too well. So when Louie's biological father suddenly and abruptly came into the picture it threw the couple their biggest hurdle yet. They fought and fought recklessly for Louie, but in the end the heart wrenching decision to stop fighting became the most easiest and less messiest. The Caseys' made the most selfless decision to give their foster son to his biological father so he could live a life with his huge loving and caring family.

Gabby lay herself down on the small bed curling herself into a tight ball with the stuffed animal pressed against her chest. She didn't know how long she had lay here for until the bedroom door quietly opened. Matt and Gabby hadn't spoke too much regarding Louie knowing that they were both hurting so much but there were no words that would suddenly relieve them from their pain. Like Hermann had told them, they just had to live with the pain for a little while. Gabby didn't hear Matt come through the door due to her soft sobs into the soft stuffed animal which was the only thing left that tied them to Louie. She felt the bed dip beside her and she quickly tried to compose herself not wanting Matt to see her like this. She brought her free hand up to wipe the tears on her face away and tried her hardest to steady her breathing but when Matt was close enough to her that she felt his hot breath down her neck she felt her eyes well up with tears. "I've got you. Let it all out baby." No other words were muttered between the young couple before Gabby turned into his chest and let the tears flow. How do they get by this? How will everything feel complete again?

 _ **A/N: Unsure if I should make this into a multi chapter story or leave it as a one shot. Leave a review with your opinion. Have a great day.**_

 _ **-lea x**_


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